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IN PRAISE OF
"In this book Lutovich has, with great sensitivity and perception, helped uncover the fierce ties between mother and daughter which often do not become apparent until the daughters are well into their middle years and their mothers are about to or have just died. These daughters had been able to ignore their residual identity as a daughter because they did not consciously consider the deep connection to be severed and the identity loss (that of "daughter") that would result from their mother's death. By skillfully interviewing women who are coming to terms with the loss of this connection, she helps us see that the death of a mother is a life-changing event which can lead to personal change in many areas of the daughter's life; not least of all, how little time she, herself has left. She weaves together the sociology of families, the historical significance of the women's movement, the psychology of grief, and the insight of poetry to present the reader with a practical as well as spiritual framework for weaving what is past into the future."
—Barney G. Glaser, Ph.D., Hon PhD. (Co-author of The Discovery of Grounded Theory)

"This deeply moving book, written with poignant humor, is a must for all who have lost their mother. It casts light in why the adult woman's process of grieving her mother's death is so often done in secret (because of feelings of guilt or selfishness or shame) and provides women, finally, with the room to admit how great a loss their mother's death was. The power of this book is going to touch all those women who have never had a chance to talk to others about their mother's death, no matter how long ago it was. Maybe now that she has so eloquently given us permission to express our loss, women will grieve openly and in grieving, honor the deep, mysterious bond of child to mother, no matter how old they are. I found this book very healing; it helps finish the grieving process."
—Marian Lane Diamond, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist

"I have been involved in the field of bereavement in a practical way for 20 years and have also studied numerous books on various aspects of the subject. Having coped with several close deaths, including that of my mother, I could relate to so much of the author's material. Diane Sher Lutovich discusses many different and difficult family situations, and acknowledges that not all mothers will be missed, though their influence may continue to be felt. She has excellent sections on the mourning process, with its ‘concentric circles'; on relationships between mothers and daughters, particularly later in life; on the role of women earlier in this century; and finally on finding meaning in life generally. Nobody's Child is a useful addition to the field of bereavement literature."
—Jane Vincent-Havelka, co-founder of "Alone and Growing" grief support groups, London, Ontario, Canada

"As one who has done a good bit of work in the area of adults grieving for a parent, I have become aware not only of the  impact of the death of both of my parents, but also the dearth of respect, appreciation for and support of people grieving for a parent. In addition, my teaching and conversations have sparked a unique awareness of the bonding that comes with parents, especially daughter to mother. This bonding is generally not only sustained over time, but grows into a rare and special covenant as the years pass.

Capturing the impact of the loss along with the newer thinking in bereavement that people like Tom Attig have addressed so well, Lutovich has offered us a very fine companion for adults grieving their parent(s), especially focused on the mother/daughter bond.  It is well researched, yet written in a way that facilitate story and not just "facts" about a story."
—The Rev. Dr. Richard B. Gilbert, BCC, Editor of The World Pastoral Care Center, v. 4, n. 7, April, 2001

"The book discusses issues such as appropriate and inappropriate feelings of guilt, the emotions that death triggers and the complexity of the mother/daughter bond. Lutovich offers suggestions for the survivors on ways to take care of themselves and how to move forward after their mother's deaths. This book is valuable reading for daughters whose elder mothers are still living as well. Try to get to know your mother again, the author suggests. There is another category of women who should read this book—daughters whose mothers are in their middle-aged years. They still have time to quality dialogue before they must face the loss of their mothers. They can learn from the cases cited in the book the kinds of reactions others have had, and can look for  remedies before its too late. Nobody's Child is a great tool to help mothers and daughters communicate about a difficult subject."
—Betty Bettacchi, Dallas Jewish Week, 2/22/01

"This is brave new territory that Lutovich maps. It is a relatively recent phenomenon that parents can live long enough to have middle-aged or older children. And the sheer numbers of adult daughters who are in a caregiving role to their ailing parents, usually mothers, is unprecedented, adding yet another layer to the complexities of mothers and daughters. Nobody's Child is a comforting, affirming, fascinating and in many ways challenging book for women who must come to terms with the death of their mother. And that is all of us."
—Cynthia Scott, Minnesota Women's Press, March 14-27, 2001

" Nobody's Child offers us a new perspective on older women confused by their feelings after the death of their mother. Lutovich looks at how bereaved daughters can break free from their past and move into a new phase of their own life. In her summary, she analyses the range of responses, the gamut of feelings expressed by the women interviewed, pulling together what she understood of the new relationship between mothers and their daughter during this special time and how that has affected the bereavement.  ....it is a useful aid with an important message for those of us involved in helping women in this situation understand what has happened and gain from their feelings." 
Joan Burn, Bereavement Counseling Trainer and Supervisor, Bereavement Care Volume 21, Number 3, Winter 2002

ABOUT THE BOOK
When Diane Sher Lutovich set out to attain closure of her mother’s death she simultaneously discovered how other women address their losses. Nobody’s Child: How Older Women Say Good-bye to Their Mothers, in poetry and prose, tells the big and little stories of women who, having come of age during the feminist revolution, lived very different lives than their mothers. The author addresses the guilt a daughter feels when confronted by her mother’s life choices, the loss of family history and a belated recognition of her mother’s legacy. The voices are heard within these pages, giving occasion for the reader to learn about the multiplicity of feelings—including remorse, fear, frustration, compassion, and deep admiration—that many daughters experience at their mother’s passing.

Nobody’s Child examines the intensity of the mother-daughter bond and focuses on the way middle-aged children recall the relationships with their mothers. The author offers a chance for daughters to see their mothers clearly, to honor their mother’s lives and live their own remaining years with authenticity, open to new possibilities.

Intended Audience: Psychologists, clergy, teachers and academics, social workers, health professionals, gerontologists, women’s studies, students researching death, dying and aging, and women in general.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Diane Sher Lutovich, M.A., draws upon her experiences as a daughter and mother, an abiding interest in how people change, and her background in sociology and psychology. Formerly a teacher of children and adults with learning and emotional disabilities the author for the past 20 years has been a partner in a training and consulting firm, writing training manuals and conducting communication workshops. A nationally published poet, Lutovich is drawn to what affects people most deeply. She holds degrees in journalism and special education and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. She strongly believes in the affirming power of women understanding their mothers and themselves in relationship to their mothers.